Sometimes I wonder if you would take me back
Or if you would spit me out, turn your back on me and command I leave,
Disgusted by my audacity to claim your heritage
Sickened by the nerve to finally come home and expect a party.
Sometimes I wonder if you think of me as a foreigner;
A child who left, by choice, the sanctuary of your embrace.
Would you look at me?
Would you embrace me?
Would I be welcome?
Or have I shamed you?
Have I shamed you by not coming back in all these years?
Have I shamed you by allowing my accent to change?
Have I shamed you by making friends who are like family in this place?
Or have I made you proud as an ambassador of your offspring?
Africa, would you let me in, if I came home tonight?
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
Recession Obsession
When necessary I am fairly frugal, but I can usually justify indulgences with the argument that the world could end any minute, so I tend not to feel completely deprived.
The “Recession”, which used to just be a topic in my World History text book, has people obsessing and looking it up on Wikipedia, joining the Facebook Cutting Coupons group and acting like it is the first time they heard the phrase “History repeats itself!” The last time people freaked out this much, it was because they were not “Y2K compliant!” Now, before you go calling me insensitive (You know I will pull the I-haven’t-seen-my-siblings-in-5-years card!) it is important to remember, that everything is based on perspective and I only ever profess to writing from my point of view and the way you see it, is the way you see it. We can agree to disagree. Respect doesn’t cost anything! But I digress.
People are stronger than they give themselves credit for, especially in the society in which I live. The very fact that we have so many choices makes us feel weak and unable to deal with a lack of choice when it arises (AKA* ADD**) – and also why the retail industry robs us by using marketing tactics that make it seem like it was our idea to spend our dollars on their products.
The recession is like a cure for said ADD, mainly because it narrows down the choice we have on what to spend our money on, usually to the necessities, which allows us to be more appreciative of the indulgences we can justify once in a while. It will make us more compassionate of the communities who do not have the choice of whether to eat or not, or whether to vote red or blue, or which pair of shoes to wear on any given day. It’s not about feeling bad, it’s about being aware, so that if you can, you can get involved directly, to level the scales, or you can simply be appreciative.
So, when the graph of your personal finances starts to look like an upside-down exponential curve, remember that we are all dealt a different hand and sometimes the cards really suck and to win, you gotta know which ones to hold and which ones to fold and whatever happens in this round there will be an opportunity to deal again. History repeats itself.
*Also Known As
**Attention Deficit Disorder
The “Recession”, which used to just be a topic in my World History text book, has people obsessing and looking it up on Wikipedia, joining the Facebook Cutting Coupons group and acting like it is the first time they heard the phrase “History repeats itself!” The last time people freaked out this much, it was because they were not “Y2K compliant!” Now, before you go calling me insensitive (You know I will pull the I-haven’t-seen-my-siblings-in-5-years card!) it is important to remember, that everything is based on perspective and I only ever profess to writing from my point of view and the way you see it, is the way you see it. We can agree to disagree. Respect doesn’t cost anything! But I digress.
People are stronger than they give themselves credit for, especially in the society in which I live. The very fact that we have so many choices makes us feel weak and unable to deal with a lack of choice when it arises (AKA* ADD**) – and also why the retail industry robs us by using marketing tactics that make it seem like it was our idea to spend our dollars on their products.
The recession is like a cure for said ADD, mainly because it narrows down the choice we have on what to spend our money on, usually to the necessities, which allows us to be more appreciative of the indulgences we can justify once in a while. It will make us more compassionate of the communities who do not have the choice of whether to eat or not, or whether to vote red or blue, or which pair of shoes to wear on any given day. It’s not about feeling bad, it’s about being aware, so that if you can, you can get involved directly, to level the scales, or you can simply be appreciative.
So, when the graph of your personal finances starts to look like an upside-down exponential curve, remember that we are all dealt a different hand and sometimes the cards really suck and to win, you gotta know which ones to hold and which ones to fold and whatever happens in this round there will be an opportunity to deal again. History repeats itself.
*Also Known As
**Attention Deficit Disorder
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Karim’s Lucky Map
Karim taught me about the lucky map.
He taught me that it is a secret map. A map that only he can see.
And to show me he used the flyer in the pew to manifest it to me.
He rolled it into a scroll. “You see, it’s my lucky map” he said, grinning.
I grinned back.
Karim’s lucky map.
“I’m a pirate with my lucky map,” he said.
No doubt the church was his ship, and the congregation his wanton sailors!
He didn’t seem to care what the map was leading to, or what it symbolized…just that he had it and that it was lucky.
I think the real message to me today came through Karim.
Time’s awasting, while I try to figure out what it is I should do, which road to take, what to pack, how to get there, who to take with me, what to prepare for. Time’s awasting while I ask these questions with no answers.
Time’s awasting and it can never be returned.
What can I learn from a 3 year old?
Just be.
Wherever you are.
Whatever you have.
Believe it and be it.
Your map, only you can see.
It is inscribed on your brain, in your thoughts, in your dreams,
And it is lucky.
Time’s awasting,
Get moving.
He taught me that it is a secret map. A map that only he can see.
And to show me he used the flyer in the pew to manifest it to me.
He rolled it into a scroll. “You see, it’s my lucky map” he said, grinning.
I grinned back.
Karim’s lucky map.
“I’m a pirate with my lucky map,” he said.
No doubt the church was his ship, and the congregation his wanton sailors!
He didn’t seem to care what the map was leading to, or what it symbolized…just that he had it and that it was lucky.
I think the real message to me today came through Karim.
Time’s awasting, while I try to figure out what it is I should do, which road to take, what to pack, how to get there, who to take with me, what to prepare for. Time’s awasting while I ask these questions with no answers.
Time’s awasting and it can never be returned.
What can I learn from a 3 year old?
Just be.
Wherever you are.
Whatever you have.
Believe it and be it.
Your map, only you can see.
It is inscribed on your brain, in your thoughts, in your dreams,
And it is lucky.
Time’s awasting,
Get moving.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Meeting a Knight
Today I met Sir Richard Branson.
I knew exactly what I was going to say to him.
I had been rehearsing it for about 2 weeks.
I got to the bookstore on time and even purchased his book…the cheaper older one, because I am poor…and stood in the winding queue waiting for autographs.
He is human, I kept telling myself. A person, just like you. The queue slowly inched forward.
Then something crossed my mind. I had intended to ask Sir Richard Branson what the difference between him and me was. But that seemed suddenly ridiculous, since there were so many obvious differences between us. And what I wanted him to confirm, was what I already knew, that they were all trivial. So I searched my brain for something more meaningful to discuss with the founder of one of the greatest business empires of all time.
Then I remembered that during the interview session, he had spoken about “the Elders” – a group of wise people brought together by him and Nelson Mandela to advise and help reconcile the world’s problems. A fluorescent, energy efficient (because I am in Canada and we are green!) light bulb went off in my head…Zimbabwe!
So as I neared the stage where Richard was signing away, and my palms got progressively sweatier, and I felt my voice box start to shake uncontrollably, I knew what I had to say, Please ask the Elders to help my country!
Alas, I got to the table, and I must have been dazed by his golden locks, because no speech came out. And now I thank my parents, because as he transcribed my name off the little yellow post-it note, he warmly said, “Well, you have an unusual name.” “I’m from Zimbabwe,” I blurted out. “Oh yes, he said, I was just talking about your country this morning.” “Are the Elders going to help my country?” I spluttered. (It is shear torture for me to re-live this!) “I sent them all an email this morning actually. It is a shame that we couldn’t get in there sooner, but if Thabo Mbeki doesn’t succeed soon, we are definitely planning on helping.” “Thank you,” I said.
And then I hung around like the worst kind of groupie until he had finished signing all the autographs and done a second press interview, just so I could get a quick photograph. And Sir Richard Branson hugged me! And I felt the hugs of Nelson Mandela, Princess Diana, Oprah Winfrey, Brad Pitt…
I remember that his hands were warm, implying there is blood in his veins.
He is human… as I am.
And regardless of the obvious differences, what we have in common, is that we were both born with the potential to be the very best we could be.
And I went weeeeeeeeeeeeee, all the way home.
I knew exactly what I was going to say to him.
I had been rehearsing it for about 2 weeks.
I got to the bookstore on time and even purchased his book…the cheaper older one, because I am poor…and stood in the winding queue waiting for autographs.
He is human, I kept telling myself. A person, just like you. The queue slowly inched forward.
Then something crossed my mind. I had intended to ask Sir Richard Branson what the difference between him and me was. But that seemed suddenly ridiculous, since there were so many obvious differences between us. And what I wanted him to confirm, was what I already knew, that they were all trivial. So I searched my brain for something more meaningful to discuss with the founder of one of the greatest business empires of all time.
Then I remembered that during the interview session, he had spoken about “the Elders” – a group of wise people brought together by him and Nelson Mandela to advise and help reconcile the world’s problems. A fluorescent, energy efficient (because I am in Canada and we are green!) light bulb went off in my head…Zimbabwe!
So as I neared the stage where Richard was signing away, and my palms got progressively sweatier, and I felt my voice box start to shake uncontrollably, I knew what I had to say, Please ask the Elders to help my country!
Alas, I got to the table, and I must have been dazed by his golden locks, because no speech came out. And now I thank my parents, because as he transcribed my name off the little yellow post-it note, he warmly said, “Well, you have an unusual name.” “I’m from Zimbabwe,” I blurted out. “Oh yes, he said, I was just talking about your country this morning.” “Are the Elders going to help my country?” I spluttered. (It is shear torture for me to re-live this!) “I sent them all an email this morning actually. It is a shame that we couldn’t get in there sooner, but if Thabo Mbeki doesn’t succeed soon, we are definitely planning on helping.” “Thank you,” I said.
And then I hung around like the worst kind of groupie until he had finished signing all the autographs and done a second press interview, just so I could get a quick photograph. And Sir Richard Branson hugged me! And I felt the hugs of Nelson Mandela, Princess Diana, Oprah Winfrey, Brad Pitt…
I remember that his hands were warm, implying there is blood in his veins.
He is human… as I am.
And regardless of the obvious differences, what we have in common, is that we were both born with the potential to be the very best we could be.
And I went weeeeeeeeeeeeee, all the way home.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Winner by association!
I went to the Scotiabank Waterfront running thing this past weekend. I believe the scientific word for it is marathon. What an event! There were runners from all over Toronto, all over Ontario, all over Canada and yes, you guessed it, all over the world. And no, I was not one of them! Have we met?! But I was so proud to know one of them!
Tendai! Woo Hoo! My heart was pumping so fast as I saw her come around the last bend, that I wished I had entered it into the race! "Go Tendai" I yelled. Woo Hoo! Across the line she went! Way to go! What an adrenaline rush! I literally felt like I crossed the finish line with her! That was how awesome it was. Hugs, pictures, bananas and vita-water later, we went for brunch. Two ladies lunching and chatting about the wonders of their new city...their new life.
I'll never understand why people run, but after watching my first marathon, I know exactly why people turn out in droves to support. Because there is something about watching someone you know...friend or family...accomplish something they set their heart, mind and soul to...that makes you feel like a winner...by association.
Thanks Ms T!
Tendai! Woo Hoo! My heart was pumping so fast as I saw her come around the last bend, that I wished I had entered it into the race! "Go Tendai" I yelled. Woo Hoo! Across the line she went! Way to go! What an adrenaline rush! I literally felt like I crossed the finish line with her! That was how awesome it was. Hugs, pictures, bananas and vita-water later, we went for brunch. Two ladies lunching and chatting about the wonders of their new city...their new life.
I'll never understand why people run, but after watching my first marathon, I know exactly why people turn out in droves to support. Because there is something about watching someone you know...friend or family...accomplish something they set their heart, mind and soul to...that makes you feel like a winner...by association.
Thanks Ms T!
Saturday, September 20, 2008
9/19/08
I recently slammed a door shut, heel swivelled and stormed away...
But as I turned, I caught a glimpse of another door.
One that I had locked and bolted years before.
Curious Catwoman,
I stared at it.
And as I did, I began to see...
Visions
Memories of a past time,
All seemingly positive and happy.
Nothing bad to remind me why I had closed the door in the first place!
Perhaps I closed the door because there was something wrong with me
I thought.
I inched forward...peering
Timid...but driven with excitement.
I unbolted...
I unlocked...
I knocked...
And with the voice on the other end, came flooding the memories from that day...
The day I stormed,
The day I heel swivelled,
The day I slammed that door shut.
Someone said, "When one door closes, another one opens."
Someone else said something like, "If a door is closed, a window is opened."
I'm wondering, why all this opening and closing doors and windows and portals and damn pandora's boxes?!
I'm doing away with doors and windows.
Handles, hinges, locks, bolts, all of it!
I'm thinking outside the box!
Because I am secure enough not to confine you to my life, nor to shut you out of it.
But as I turned, I caught a glimpse of another door.
One that I had locked and bolted years before.
Curious Catwoman,
I stared at it.
And as I did, I began to see...
Visions
Memories of a past time,
All seemingly positive and happy.
Nothing bad to remind me why I had closed the door in the first place!
Perhaps I closed the door because there was something wrong with me
I thought.
I inched forward...peering
Timid...but driven with excitement.
I unbolted...
I unlocked...
I knocked...
And with the voice on the other end, came flooding the memories from that day...
The day I stormed,
The day I heel swivelled,
The day I slammed that door shut.
Someone said, "When one door closes, another one opens."
Someone else said something like, "If a door is closed, a window is opened."
I'm wondering, why all this opening and closing doors and windows and portals and damn pandora's boxes?!
I'm doing away with doors and windows.
Handles, hinges, locks, bolts, all of it!
I'm thinking outside the box!
Because I am secure enough not to confine you to my life, nor to shut you out of it.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Gathering moss just doesn't appeal to me!
So, I moved again...
When I started the blog,
I was living in New York City,
Then I moved to Dallas, Texas,
Then I moved to the great tax-free state of Delaware
The blog is not even 2 years old
And now I live in Toronto, Ontario!
My Dad says the world is my playground,
And I say, I think I've found my sand box.
When I started the blog,
I was living in New York City,
Then I moved to Dallas, Texas,
Then I moved to the great tax-free state of Delaware
The blog is not even 2 years old
And now I live in Toronto, Ontario!
My Dad says the world is my playground,
And I say, I think I've found my sand box.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
The Zygote Diaries, Part Deux!
Today, 31 years ago, they said "I do"
It occurred to me that I do not blog enough, because the most popular topic on my blog is my parents' wedding anniversary!
31 years...
I oft wonder how it is that they got it right. Amidst all the people on the planet. How did they know this was the one, that they would share all these years with, that they would share all the family with? How can you tell? Is it just a leap of faith? Or is it a gut feeling? Or is it actually a calculated deduction? It has to be all three I think...to be able to last so long and seem like it just happened yesterday.
So I resolve to just sit and hope that by some miracle, there is a gene that I have inherited from these two wondorous souls. The gene to know, when you've found, the one.
Sweet Pea and Honey Bee, the Zygote says...Take it to the fifth decade! Happy Anniversary!
It occurred to me that I do not blog enough, because the most popular topic on my blog is my parents' wedding anniversary!
31 years...
I oft wonder how it is that they got it right. Amidst all the people on the planet. How did they know this was the one, that they would share all these years with, that they would share all the family with? How can you tell? Is it just a leap of faith? Or is it a gut feeling? Or is it actually a calculated deduction? It has to be all three I think...to be able to last so long and seem like it just happened yesterday.
So I resolve to just sit and hope that by some miracle, there is a gene that I have inherited from these two wondorous souls. The gene to know, when you've found, the one.
Sweet Pea and Honey Bee, the Zygote says...Take it to the fifth decade! Happy Anniversary!
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Nomadic Tendencies...
So I drove back to the East Coast...
And before I got here, I knew it would be temporary...
It's a tough job, but someone has to do it right?!
The engine hasn't even cooled, and I'm planning my next move.
Where to next? You ask.
Pass me a map and a blindfold...my finger is ready...
And before I got here, I knew it would be temporary...
It's a tough job, but someone has to do it right?!
The engine hasn't even cooled, and I'm planning my next move.
Where to next? You ask.
Pass me a map and a blindfold...my finger is ready...
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Dark
I am in a dark place right now friends. It's murky and grimy, and I feel like I am wading through the heaviest muck...inhaling the thickest, most choking funk, feeling and tasting vile gunk...and all the while I can't see a thing, not even that light that is usually at the end of such tunnels. Perhaps this is not a tunnel, but a hole, because the more I walk, the more I feel like I am not really going anywhere, just stepping...left, right, left, right.
I tried to at least turn around and go back where I came from, but in vain. All sides feel the same, and now I have basically lost my sense of direction. I am afraid of what words might come from such a dark place, hence the hiatus from blogging. Bear with me. Someone told me to count my blessings...well...1)I have two legs to keep on wading...
I tried to at least turn around and go back where I came from, but in vain. All sides feel the same, and now I have basically lost my sense of direction. I am afraid of what words might come from such a dark place, hence the hiatus from blogging. Bear with me. Someone told me to count my blessings...well...1)I have two legs to keep on wading...
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Just Drivin'
I find myself,
Just drivin'
Like I'm in Tracy Chapman's Fast Car
Asking my self 1 million questions...
Searching in the crevices of my mind,
Mining the depths of my soul...
For some kind of wisdom...advice
That I must have heard in these 26 years
...1 million questions with no answers.
Just drivin'
Same road,
Different day.
Just drivin'
Coz that is what I do best
Drive
I even drive for all the other crazy suckers on the road who think they are not really driving, but actually flying...in their very own air space, where no one else exists.
Just drivin'
This car which I will probably be paying for for the next 6 years.
Just drivin'
Just effin' drivin'
So I pop a CD in...
It's Mr Lover-lover
Telling me it's hope that keeps him holding on
And that no matter how I'm sad and blue
There is always someone who has it worse than me.
So I think, Well fancy that, God sent Shaggy as an angel to me today
Coz it's true you know,
I would rather be
Just drivin'
On the 'boulevard of broken dreams'
Than walking...
Through the valley of the shadow of death.
So I bop my head and just keep drivin'
Just drivin'
Like I'm in Tracy Chapman's Fast Car
Asking my self 1 million questions...
Searching in the crevices of my mind,
Mining the depths of my soul...
For some kind of wisdom...advice
That I must have heard in these 26 years
...1 million questions with no answers.
Just drivin'
Same road,
Different day.
Just drivin'
Coz that is what I do best
Drive
I even drive for all the other crazy suckers on the road who think they are not really driving, but actually flying...in their very own air space, where no one else exists.
Just drivin'
This car which I will probably be paying for for the next 6 years.
Just drivin'
Just effin' drivin'
So I pop a CD in...
It's Mr Lover-lover
Telling me it's hope that keeps him holding on
And that no matter how I'm sad and blue
There is always someone who has it worse than me.
So I think, Well fancy that, God sent Shaggy as an angel to me today
Coz it's true you know,
I would rather be
Just drivin'
On the 'boulevard of broken dreams'
Than walking...
Through the valley of the shadow of death.
So I bop my head and just keep drivin'
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Nobody Can Stop Reggae…
Lucky Dube passed on to the next life this past week…
It was an armed mugging in Johannesburg…
He died on the spot…
His was the last concert I went to in New York City…
My girls and I were right up by the stage…
I touched his arm as he went up to amaze us…
He was so real in his lyrics, so pure in his singing…
So sincere in his performance…
I could tell that he truly believed in what he was doing…
I could see his passion…
Even though the club was full, it was just him and his music…
I swayed in awe…
Lucky Dube never felt the need to answer to anyone…
He never felt the need to follow trends…
He was his own genre, his own trend…
His performances and fans were the answers…
Lucky Dube…you are no longer a Prisoner in this Crazy World, but as a Rasta man and Freedom Fighter, you showed us that although we are Different Colors, we are One People and we need to come Together As One even though It’s Not Easy, because You Reap What You Sow, and it is everyone, including the Rasta Man’s, Prayer not to be a Lonely Man or woman. Thank you for these and the many other sentiments you shared with the world. And now, rest in Peace, Perfect Peace with your Jah…
One Love to Bob Marley when you see him…
It was an armed mugging in Johannesburg…
He died on the spot…
His was the last concert I went to in New York City…
My girls and I were right up by the stage…
I touched his arm as he went up to amaze us…
He was so real in his lyrics, so pure in his singing…
So sincere in his performance…
I could tell that he truly believed in what he was doing…
I could see his passion…
Even though the club was full, it was just him and his music…
I swayed in awe…
Lucky Dube never felt the need to answer to anyone…
He never felt the need to follow trends…
He was his own genre, his own trend…
His performances and fans were the answers…
Lucky Dube…you are no longer a Prisoner in this Crazy World, but as a Rasta man and Freedom Fighter, you showed us that although we are Different Colors, we are One People and we need to come Together As One even though It’s Not Easy, because You Reap What You Sow, and it is everyone, including the Rasta Man’s, Prayer not to be a Lonely Man or woman. Thank you for these and the many other sentiments you shared with the world. And now, rest in Peace, Perfect Peace with your Jah…
One Love to Bob Marley when you see him…
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
"Life, without passion, is Unforgivable."
Today I tried the new fragrance, Unforgivable Woman by Sean John. Initially I was in love with it, and then as the day went by, the little cardboard square I had sprayed it on started to make me wrinkle my nose. The novelty of it wore off quickly.
What didn't wear off, and keeps replaying in my head, is the ad slogan, "Life without passion is unforgivable." It is very hard for me to be passionate about my life right now, but no matter how bad it gets, there are those moments, brief though they may be, of sheer passion. It may be when I am driving down the road with the windows rolled down and the breeze in my hair. It may be when that raspy voice of the lead singer from Nicklback comes on the radio and starts singing about being a rockstar...and I rock out with him. It may be when the warm water massages my kneck, my back... and the rest of my body at the end of a hard day's work. It may be when I simply let the Oreo ice cream slide down my trachea...
Zeal, Fire, Passion, Wreckless Abandon! When I die, that is how I want people to remember I lived. Anything less would be unacceptable...unforgivable.
What didn't wear off, and keeps replaying in my head, is the ad slogan, "Life without passion is unforgivable." It is very hard for me to be passionate about my life right now, but no matter how bad it gets, there are those moments, brief though they may be, of sheer passion. It may be when I am driving down the road with the windows rolled down and the breeze in my hair. It may be when that raspy voice of the lead singer from Nicklback comes on the radio and starts singing about being a rockstar...and I rock out with him. It may be when the warm water massages my kneck, my back... and the rest of my body at the end of a hard day's work. It may be when I simply let the Oreo ice cream slide down my trachea...
Zeal, Fire, Passion, Wreckless Abandon! When I die, that is how I want people to remember I lived. Anything less would be unacceptable...unforgivable.
Sunday, August 5, 2007
"My feet are scraping the sky..."
I am still so incredibly high from my solo road trip accomplishment.
The thing is, from now on, everytime I see a globe, or a map of the whole world, I am going to be able to draw a line representing the distance I drove (all by myself), and not need a magnifying glass to see the line! That's a LINE on the planet Earth! One that I can see with the naked eye!
How small the world is...and therfore not as intimidating...
So this is how it feels to be "on top of the world..."
The thing is, from now on, everytime I see a globe, or a map of the whole world, I am going to be able to draw a line representing the distance I drove (all by myself), and not need a magnifying glass to see the line! That's a LINE on the planet Earth! One that I can see with the naked eye!
How small the world is...and therfore not as intimidating...
So this is how it feels to be "on top of the world..."
Saturday, August 4, 2007
What?
What?
just me...and all my material stuff. What?
just me and all my stuff in a small s u v.
What?
just me?
Driving sixteen hundred miles?
Just me?
New York City to Dallas, Texas?
Yeah Baby! Two days and the open road!
Just Me!
What?
What's my name??!!!!!!!!
just me...and all my material stuff. What?
just me and all my stuff in a small s u v.
What?
just me?
Driving sixteen hundred miles?
Just me?
New York City to Dallas, Texas?
Yeah Baby! Two days and the open road!
Just Me!
What?
What's my name??!!!!!!!!
Thursday, July 19, 2007
"these are the days of our lives"
In the midst of preventable plane crashes in Sao Paolo, mysterious gas explosions in New York City and plastic Emmy Award commotion, an elementary school class raises money for their janitor to take his dream trip with his wife to San Francisco... and that, makes this world...not such a bad place.
Friday, July 13, 2007
In Heat...
...because it is a thousand degrees in New York, and two thousand underground when waiting for the subway
in heat...because my walls are red, my sheets are red and almost everything in my room is red
in heat...because it is Friday the 13th, and six years ago today I left the Motherland to pursue something better
in heat...because I "still haven't found what I'm looking for"
in heat...because even though I want to, Bob Marley is telling me not to cry
in heat...because I am starting to live, think and act, like one of those weird beings called adults
in heat...because becoming one makes me realise that Boys II Men never happens
in heat...because that means I am doomed to have children with a "child" in a bigger body
in heat...because THAT means I am doomed to be a single parent
in heat...because in spite of all that, I have a burning yearning to breastfeed the fruit of my loins
in heat...because every month I discard another warm, comfortable, safe place to grow
...can somebody get me some ice water...or snow...infact, just bring me Alaska...like NOW!
in heat...because my walls are red, my sheets are red and almost everything in my room is red
in heat...because it is Friday the 13th, and six years ago today I left the Motherland to pursue something better
in heat...because I "still haven't found what I'm looking for"
in heat...because even though I want to, Bob Marley is telling me not to cry
in heat...because I am starting to live, think and act, like one of those weird beings called adults
in heat...because becoming one makes me realise that Boys II Men never happens
in heat...because that means I am doomed to have children with a "child" in a bigger body
in heat...because THAT means I am doomed to be a single parent
in heat...because in spite of all that, I have a burning yearning to breastfeed the fruit of my loins
in heat...because every month I discard another warm, comfortable, safe place to grow
...can somebody get me some ice water...or snow...infact, just bring me Alaska...like NOW!
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Alone in this Craziness...
A few months ago I decided I wanted to have a baby. Well, I have always known I wanted to eventually have kids, but I suddenly became super-ready for the stork to tap on my window and make his delivery...and then a few seconds later I got over it.
My theory is that people have mini versions of themselves in order to escape their lives and start living vicariously through the "little ones", so it is some kind of reincarnation, and they have a chance to redo or do-over (shout out to Texas!) their screwed up lives and try their best not to screw it up the next time... or the next few times around.
What they don't realize is that the "little ones" come with their own little brains and little personalities that are likely to morph* into adults that will inevitably screw up their own lives or at least get bored of living them and decide to spice things up by having more "little ones." And the cycle continues...
So, we do need people around us, usually a partner and then possibly kids later. We need this person so that we don't go insane! The fact that there is another human being who knows my life is screwed up and thinks their life is screwed up, but somehow if we come together we will see that our lives are not screwed up as long as we are together, and help each other, and share things, and love and cherish, in sickness and in health...until...well until it just gets too much to handle, and we fish out the prenup papers from the wedding china cabinet...um...I think I should stop, because I am kinda rambling...
*Please note, I have now used the word(or adaptation of it) morph twice in two consecutive blogs! I think it is my new favourite word...after woo. But woo is still pretty high up there...hint hint...anybody wanna woo me? Lol, now I am just being silly, but I do think a silly blog entry is in order...once in a while...to keep the sanity...
My theory is that people have mini versions of themselves in order to escape their lives and start living vicariously through the "little ones", so it is some kind of reincarnation, and they have a chance to redo or do-over (shout out to Texas!) their screwed up lives and try their best not to screw it up the next time... or the next few times around.
What they don't realize is that the "little ones" come with their own little brains and little personalities that are likely to morph* into adults that will inevitably screw up their own lives or at least get bored of living them and decide to spice things up by having more "little ones." And the cycle continues...
So, we do need people around us, usually a partner and then possibly kids later. We need this person so that we don't go insane! The fact that there is another human being who knows my life is screwed up and thinks their life is screwed up, but somehow if we come together we will see that our lives are not screwed up as long as we are together, and help each other, and share things, and love and cherish, in sickness and in health...until...well until it just gets too much to handle, and we fish out the prenup papers from the wedding china cabinet...um...I think I should stop, because I am kinda rambling...
*Please note, I have now used the word(or adaptation of it) morph twice in two consecutive blogs! I think it is my new favourite word...after woo. But woo is still pretty high up there...hint hint...anybody wanna woo me? Lol, now I am just being silly, but I do think a silly blog entry is in order...once in a while...to keep the sanity...
Monday, July 2, 2007
Blissfully Sleeping
Last night I slept for fourteen hours...and it wasn't a hang over!
FOURTEEN hours! That is like two nights in one! And I'm pretty sure I had five different dreams! My newborn niece probably doesn't even have that luxury! Her little stomach won't let her sleep for more than three or four hours at a time!
On one hand it was incredible, to just sleep with no end in sight, on the other hand, the metamorphing adult in me thought it was a lot of time wasted. Either way, it happened, fourteen blissful hours. I'm still trying to figure out why I was so exhausted. Could it have been because I had spent at least a quarter of the day before tracking down a poetry club in lower Manhattan with someone whose legs are triple the size of mine or the fact that I make drinks with Italian names all day, or could it have been a good catch up since the last eight hour sleep I had...
I think I am going to set aside one day a month when I can sleep for two thirds of the day...I think I will be an even happier person...
FOURTEEN hours! That is like two nights in one! And I'm pretty sure I had five different dreams! My newborn niece probably doesn't even have that luxury! Her little stomach won't let her sleep for more than three or four hours at a time!
On one hand it was incredible, to just sleep with no end in sight, on the other hand, the metamorphing adult in me thought it was a lot of time wasted. Either way, it happened, fourteen blissful hours. I'm still trying to figure out why I was so exhausted. Could it have been because I had spent at least a quarter of the day before tracking down a poetry club in lower Manhattan with someone whose legs are triple the size of mine or the fact that I make drinks with Italian names all day, or could it have been a good catch up since the last eight hour sleep I had...
I think I am going to set aside one day a month when I can sleep for two thirds of the day...I think I will be an even happier person...
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